Whether you're in the Northwest Chicago suburbs or anywhere else in the world, studies show that having an accountability partner can exponentially increase your fitness results. Even more so when it comes to working out with a group like we do at 10.40.10 Fitness. And what about when those two variables are combined? PR city.
Over the years, some of the best results we’ve seen at both the Deer Park and Glenview locations come in pairs: Couples working out together in a group class have been some of our most consistent, happy and successful members.
It’s worth noting that this also happens when the pair is a couple of friends. Whether roommates, BFFs or co-workers, they hold each other accountable. But today’s topic is about what happens when one person in a relationship prioritizes fitness while the other tends to be more like, “fitness whole pizza in my mouth.”
When it comes to a healthy lifestyle, some couples take the “we’re in this together” stance. The best part about this viewpoint is that having something in common generally brings people together. It might be that you both love music or board games or volunteering.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that pairs food with everything. As a result, eating and drinking has slowly morphed into a shared hobby for a lot of couples.
On one hand, if they collectively decide to replace happy hour with exercise, everything changes. Meaning, if instead of hitting their favorite restaurant or bar after work, they take a fitness class together, subsequently having the energy to go home for a healthy meal, it can be a game-changer.
But what about on the other hand?
When One Partner Works Out and the Other Doesn’t.
Let’s talk about those who have “a house divided.” These are the homes where one person is into fitness and the other isn’t. Generally, that second person will fall into one of two categories: Support or sabotage.
The supportive partner might not necessarily be interested in an active lifestyle but they still encourage and nurture the goals of their significant other.
Most commonly in this situation, both partners view fitness as a hobby that one participates in and the other doesn’t. It’s no different from a bowling league, book club or church group. There’s no animosity from one partner to the other in regard to fitness. It’s just something that one of them enjoys and they both live happily ever after.
Sabotage is a whole different ballpark. In a fitness-sabotaging relationship, one partner is not interested in a healthy lifestyle and therefore is not okay with the other partner trying to live that way.
Whether the cause is laziness, jealousy or something else beneath the surface, partner one is willing to go to great lengths to stop partner two from achieving any goal related to exercise, nutrition or wellness.
Real-Life Fitness Sabotage: What it Looks Like (and How to Spot it).
To take a deeper look at examples of how this sabotage might manifest itself, let’s look at Fran and Larry. Fran has some big goals and wants to be Fit Fran, while her husband is absolutely fine with being Lazy Larry.
Larry doesn’t really understand why Fran wants to work out. Occasionally, his mind wanders and he questions if there might be someone else that Fran is trying to get in shape for. But at the end of the day, he just prefers to be lazy. It’s easier.
At first, he makes seemingly-insignificant, sarcastic comments about her getting healthier or gives her grief.
“You’re going to the gym AGAIN?!”
It’s as though he’s insinuating that she has a bad habit she needs to fix. When that doesn’t deter her, he starts intentionally scheduling things for them to do during her normal workout times. Sometimes he orders pizza for their dinner, or fills the pantry with an assortment of unhealthy snacks, even though he knows she’s trying to improve her nutrition.
Who would do such a thing? It’s more common than you’d think. And while sometimes it’s intentional, occasionally it’s actually subconscious. Either way, it’s not okay.
Someone is making the (often difficult) decision to live a healthy lifestyle. They are choosing a habit that’s beneficial for them, and one that actually gets paid forward to those around them. Unlike drinking, smoking, gambling or any of the many other life-altering addictions they could be choosing, this is arguably among the best choices they could make.
Step-by-Step: How to Deal with a Partner Who Undermines Your Fitness Goals.
Recognizing the sabotage is the first step in fixing the issue. Sometimes it’s as simple as starting to pay attention to your significant other’s comments or actions in this area.
The second step is to simply start digging deeper to find out what’s motivating him or her to do these things.
In an ideal world, you’d question what he or she meant by their comment and you’d be met with an insightful, introspective response.
“Wow, I didn’t realize that my comments were coming from a place of frustration,” he or she would say. “I wish I had your energy and dedication, so I make comments out of envy because I could be doing better in my own life.”
Is this realistic? Probably not. The response is likely going to be a lot more deflective.
“Why are we talking about me? You’re the one who’s trying to get all jacked instead of hanging out with your family.”
Do you know why this spirals downward so quickly? Because it’s really hard to admit the real reasons that are fueling your significant other’s comments and actions. If they’re struggling with feeling out of shape and then their super-fit spouse starts asking me questions that they don’t want to answer (because these questions are really hard), can you see where this conversation is probably headed?
The Real Issue Behind Unsupportive Behavior (and What to Do About it).
Step three is the hardest part, but the biggest game-changer. Step three is the real MVP.
Disruptive actions and comments don’t come from a place of love and support. Instead, they stem from a need to bury or cover up feelings of inadequacy. In other words, if someone points out your flaws, they’re less likely to have to look at theirs, right?
Remember in elementary school when they taught us that tearing other people down doesn’t build us up any faster? Samesies right here.
So step three is to actually get into the weeds. In steps one and two above, you’ve established that not only are comments being made, they’re being made for a reason. Step three is to figure out what that reason is so you can begin working to fix it.
Here’s an easy example: Husband joins a gym. His wife makes comments. Husband questions comments. His wife deflects them. Husband and wife enter stage three: Figuring out why his wife is making comments so they can work together on solving them.
Note the word “together.” This is not a blame game.
This isn’t a chance for one spouse to show the other why they’re the superior species. It’s an opportunity to potentially uncover some of the extremely-deep, I-wish-this-wasn’t-true stuff that most of us are carrying around. It’s a space to maybe help someone you love get some of the (proverbial) weight off their shoulders or in their heart. It’s here in the weeds that you find the stuff that matters.
Also note: There’s a 99.9 percent chance this will not be easy. Deeply-rooted issues are deeply-rooted for a reason. They require a (proverbial) giant shovel to dig into. Perhaps even professional help.
But on the other side of it could be the life that you both love living. Whether that means a newfound love of fitness together, or simply a supportive relationship that celebrates the goals and purposes that each person holds.
Ready to Build a Stronger You - and a Stronger Relationship?
Looking for a gym that supports you — and your goals — no matter where you're starting? At 10.40.10 Fitness in the Northwest Chicago suburbs, we believe fitness should empower your whole life and support your relationships. Whether you're showing up solo or bringing your partner along for the ride, we’re here to help.
We’ve got you covered with Strength and Stamina classes, plus Full Body Fridays and Yoga classes, and more than 60 classes per week to fit your schedule. Plus, our coaches and community are here to hold you accountable and encourage you every step of the way.
Come in for a free trial and see what it’s like to grow stronger — together. Start here: https://www.104010fitness.com/programs/get-started
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